I feel the need to record a little
prologue to this episode because
it was recorded on my morning walk.
So there's a lot of noise going on.
There's a lot of distractions.
It is Wednesday, so it's garbage day
where the garbage trucks are rolling,
the landscaping crews are out.
There's a lot of noise, but I really
felt strongly about showing up
here authentically and capturing.
The things I'm processing and
thinking through in real time
and today is about Instagram.
So I'm like walking myself through how
I am determining why there's a block
there and what I'm gonna do about it.
And stay tuned to the very end of the
episode where I get back home and record
a different thought that I had about it
or a real shift in the thinking, honestly.
I am not gonna be hurt at all if you just
listen to the whole first chunk of the
episode at like double speed, because it's
just me waffling through, not waffling,
but I'm, I'm laying out all the evidence
of why this is a problem, and then the
last part where I get back home and record
a little Diddy like this and added it on
there, that's truly the gold that I felt
the need to come back in here and capture.
So there you go.
Let's get onto the episode.
I hope you guys are
liking this new format.
It's definitely genuine and
authentic, and therefore I'm showing
up with a lot more joy in doing it.
Okay.
It is, what day is it?
It's Wednesday, April 29th
out on my morning walk.
And I'm gonna talk through in real time
a little back burner issue that's always
been on the back burner this whole
year, which is my social media presence.
And I've been putting a lot of attention.
On the fact that I'm not doing it,
knowing that it, and I also know
it needs to be dealt with, it needs
to be taken out of this pending
decision mode and taken action on.
And what I know about myself is that I am
not someone who's averse to taking action.
I don't have a problem taking action.
So when I see myself not
taking action, it's always an
indicator that something is.
Out of alignment with my values and or I
don't feel safe to do it doesn't feel safe
to be seen in some way and or I don't feel
comfortable being visible or something
about it goes directly against my values.
And our values are really our standards,
like what we are willing to tolerate.
For our lives.
That's, that's how I'm
using the word values here.
What is it that I believe in and what
am I unwilling to negotiate in terms
of who I am and what I stand for?
Making me wonder if I need to re-examine
my values on some level because I.
Morning.
I lost my train of thought there.
It's making me wonder if I
need to reexamine my values.
Oh, let me just talk.
It's also trash collection day, so
that's gonna be fun hearing those
garbage trucks go by as I'm talking.
The similarity I'm seeing in the story
I'm telling myself about what particularly
showing up on Instagram means, and
then I'll get to Substack after that.
First I'm gonna tackle Instagram.
The story I've been telling
myself is I shouldn't have to
show up on Instagram every day.
And invest that much time
into constantly poking people.
That's what it feels like I'm doing,
although that I know that's a story
'cause that is never how I feel
when I'm actually on Instagram.
There are many times in the past when
what I share on Instagram makes me feel
so alive and so excited, but lately.
I don't know if it's what I see going
on on Instagram or if it's that I
am stretching myself to the level
where it's not just me coming on.
This is like my whole business.
Like I'm, I'm identifying so strongly with
the work that I do, that I realize it's
a different level of how I'm showing up.
I dunno if that makes sense.
So.
I felt that very, very strongly when I was
looking at doing a fitness transformation.
When I decided to really get serious about
training and losing weight and having the
body I wanted, I remember had multiple
instances of feeling resentment over it.
I shouldn't have to lift heavy
weights, I shouldn't have
to put a barbell on my back.
In order to have the body I want,
there's plenty of people who
don't do that and they look great.
I shouldn't have to do that.
And there was this like
big resistance to doing it.
Sorry.
You're gonna hear the leaf blowers now.
So I felt very much like, I shouldn't
have to do this, shouldn't require this.
And so when I would quit and take that
out of my routine, I wouldn't do it.
It felt good in the moment.
It felt like I was making.
The right decision for me, but
here's the distinguishing point.
The desire to have the body
I wanted was still there.
It kept coming back, so I wasn't
able to stop wanting the body
that required that kind of work.
I wished I didn't want
it, but I did want it.
I wanted that.
So that is when I took quitting
off the table in terms of lifting
weights, I said, I am going to give
myself a full year of doing this.
And I did.
I didn't skip one workout and
my body completely transformed.
And I remember just blowing myself
away with what was possible there.
So now I'm in this position going,
is it the same kind of thing?
Like, I don't know that I'm so
clear on the result that I want.
Am I trying to grow an audience or
do I just think you have to grow an
audience in order to be successful?
That's why I'm at right now.
The other story I'm telling
myself is I don't have time.
To do this consistently.
I can find pockets of time on some
days, but if I were really gonna do
this, I would have to rearrange my
schedule, which is already pretty full.
And it's more importantly
doing things I love doing.
I have some things in my life
still that I don't really love that
need to get taken care of, but.
By and large, I love my cadence and
my routine and my rhythm that I'm on.
So I know it's going to be on some level,
disruptive to make a shift in that I
figure I would have to first of all, spend
a significant amount of planning upfront.
It's gonna force me if, if I go this
path of going all in on social media.
I will have to spend significant time
planning out all my long form content.
So really mapping out what my
podcast episodes are gonna be and
what my sub docs are gonna be so
that I can work backwards and create
content from all of that material.
So that's gonna require a
significant investment of time.
And then just the.
Execution of that plan.
Once I've got that master plan, I
mean, that's a one time big investment,
but then I've got to allocate daily
time to connect authentically.
If I'm gonna show up on Instagram, I think
it's mainly gonna be through my stories.
That's what feels most true to me, where
I'm coming on every day and sharing little
micro lessons or just little things.
Again, that requires some amount of time
for me to plan out every day and then to
make the actual materials to put up there.
So that's a decision to be made.
Again, it's not an excuse, but
it's clearly the story I'm telling
myself, and it's very similar to
the story I told myself when I was
working out, started my workout plan.
I don't really have the time.
And then COVID hit and it was like.
What, what better thing to,
to start doing in 2021, right?
I had been sitting around no better
time than to really dive into all that.
So I'm in a different scenario now,
but I am noticing the same little
excuse that I'm giving about it.
So the question is.
What do I wanna decide?
Oh, and then the Substack article.
If the other, the other component
of Instagram that's leading
into substack is Instagram felt
very inauthentic to my brand.
Feels like I'm directly like
trying to catch people's attention,
which is really what I'm trying
to teach them how to train.
And so it felt disingenuous
for me to do that.
I was like, okay, you could build
more of a presence on substack.
So I've been great about doing my
weekly articles there, but I'm not
doing much of anything else, partly
because I don't really understand
how that whole system works.
I don't have a clear plan about
how to show up there, and I
don't know the audience there.
I feel like I know my Instagram
audience really well, Again, I can
see where I'm just poking holes.
So I thought maybe, okay, I can
just pivot to Substack and I see
now I gotta build that whole thing.
Same way I built my Instagram.
So if I wanted to go to LinkedIn,
which a lot of people have told me
I should be over there, I would have
to build back from scratch as well.
So there's no way that it
get out of the building.
And it all comes back to that
same message of lifting weights.
Like I, I, I have to be
willing to do that part.
And this podcast was really the bet.
You know, the year I'm in was like, I
think I secretly hoped, I hoped that.
If I just worked so much on my energetic
container, something magical would
explode for me, and I wouldn't even have
to do anything on Instagram because the
universe would find this way to open a
new thing that I haven't even seen yet.
Here's where I'm sitting with that.
That could still be true, but I
don't think that's gonna happen.
Unless I do the actions of kind of
surrendering to being willing to do
what I am resistant to doing, and then
landscapers can skin,
And so in this scenario then,
and only then when I demonstrate
my willingness to surrender.
By doing the thing I am most
resistant to, maybe a new pathway
will open with that floods of pe.
Bunch of people in my world
that I haven't imagined yet
that I keep hoping will show up.
Part of the reason I love doing the
work I'm doing is because the episode
I just released today on Useful
Thinking all about how to reprogram
your RISI realized, you know, when
you teach your own shit, you realize.
Where you're not doing
what you say you're doing.
And in this particular area,
I'm not doing the reps.
I was counting, making my material, making
my content every week as doing the reps
like that counted and it does count.
I have to have something to
put out there, but I need to be
able to do the reps to share it.
And that part,
that part I'm being very resistant to.
So that's gotta change The way I
make myself change things is by,
first of all, doing the energetic
work to feel like taking this
kind of action is expected of me.
And rewarded so that there
is pleasure tied to doing it.
And secondly, it's really doing
some values work right now and
probably a little bit of coaching,
digging into what is my standard.
Few months ago I realized I had
really dropped my standard in
the number of steps I was taking.
Wasn't even really tracking
it because I was so busy with
doing all of this great work.
Right.
I was so.
Into everything I've been creating.
I was letting my steps go down
to like under 4,000 steps a day.
Sometimes I was like at 2300 steps in
a day, and I had a moment where I said,
that is not consistent with my identity.
I am a person who has a life where
it is inconceivable that I would
get less than 8,000 steps a day.
I set that as my target.
Like there's just not a world where I can
imagine not hitting 8,000 steps unless
I'm literally sick in bed, not with a
cold or a headache or something like that,
but like I'm, I'm incapable of moving.
And so I made that shift, just kept
telling myself, it's inconceivable
that I don't get 8,000 steps a day.
I have nowhere near that kind of
standard in terms of it is inconceivable
that I would go a week without
creating a podcast or a Substack
article or working with my clients.
Right?
That's just inconceivable to me.
But hi little Bunny.
Um, it is totally negotiable
whether I show up on social media.
I also think I need to reframe.
Calling it social media in some way.
So I need to determine that I'm the
kind of person who, if I really care
about sharing everything that I am
all about, I can't even imagine not
utilizing every avenue to do that.
It's crazy that I wouldn't consider that.
It's like expecting magical outcomes
based on everything I'm doing.
It's just so, so similar to how I
felt in my physical transformation.
I expected to have my dream magical body
without having to lift actual weights.
I just wanted to.
Do the exercise I wanted to do and I
was totally willing to follow macros
and do all of the inner work, but
I didn't wanna lift those weights.
in a couple weeks, taking
some vacation time,
I don't know if we'll make it that far.
I was like, that's when I can
really set out a plan, but I should
really begin taking action now.
The sooner you have a defining moment
or you have awareness of something, the
sooner you can take action, the more
momentum you're gonna have going forward.
The stronger the signal gets reinforced.
If I sit and pause on this right now, that
is just going to weaken any little baby.
Neural circuit that I'm
starting to build around this.
I really, I'm being honest here,
I really don't want to do this.
I really don't want to do
this, do not want to spend my
time making Instagram posts.
Here's why I'm giving
myself permission to do.
I am totally willing to
plan out the content.
And really shift my production schedule
so that I'm working with more of
buffer time, and then I'm gonna give
myself permission to consider hiring
somebody to do the content, which
feels like another whole headache I
don't wanna really wanna deal with.
So neither of those headaches
doing it myself or hiring somebody
feel worth it right now, but
I'm giving myself permission.
To do that and also maybe by just
moving forward with a plan, I'll
come up with some easy way to do it.
Okay.
I've rambled on enough.
I hope you guys, um, I feel this need
right now to apologize for taking you on
walks and having you listen to me while.
Literally thinking things through,
but this, this is also the
work, the documenting the shit.
I know I have to face the shit
I know I haven't been facing and
the shit that's not gonna go away.
It is not going away unless I actively,
that's the other choice I could make,
could decide I am just not doing it.
And we'll see what happens there.
Mm.
Um, if I decide that I've gotta replace
it with something, but I don't know.
That could be a false thought too.
That's the thing.
I keep thinking, this is where I
feel like I might need some coaching.
I keep thinking there.
There are people out there who
build businesses just like mine
that aren't on Instagram at all.
So I know this is a thing.
I just don't know what that
looks like necessarily, or what
that would be like in my case.
And I don't want to fool myself and
say that that is some form of, you
know, extended magical thinking.
You guys hear my, my
waffling in real time?
Okay.
So what I'm holding myself accountable to.
Is mapping out, getting
ahead of my content plan.
That feels like the step I can take,
and I know it's gonna be significant
energy, so I can take action on that.
And then I'll see if in that process
some new idea comes along about
how to move forward with this.
Because I am sick of talking about it.
I'm sick of thinking about it.
It's taking up way too much of
my back burner, which could be
back burnering amazing things.
It's just, it really comes down
to do I want to give the time
to that and why wouldn't I?
If what I'm doing is helpful
and I know that it's.
That I'm rock solid on.
Okay.
I'm gonna stop talking
and thanks for listening.
If you've made it this far, if anyone
else is out there right now in this
kind of situation with social media
or Instagram and you've come up
with some other angle, let me know.
Maybe that's what's
gonna come out of this.
Who knows?
Okay.
Sending love to everyone.
Go bet on yourself.
Okay, I am coming back on real
quick to document something.
I realize this is not the most
cohesive thing, but I really wanna
document everything I'm feeling
because at some point it could
be cool to analyze all of this.
This is data.
As I was wrapping up my walk
and coming back home, I realized
how much of my mental energy is
going into thinking about this.
And that's an indicator also.
I hadn't considered that.
I'm just literally at the
edge of an upper limit here.
I'm at an upper limit of who
I'm allowing myself to be.
I do not want to, for some reason,
like let myself expand into, it's not
even really an expansion, but it's
like the moment, like I really felt so.
Alive.
You can hear it in my last few episodes
about making this decision to be more
real time with documenting all of this.
I'm like full force in my podcast.
Uh, useful thinking.
I'm full force in everything I'm doing.
My work at the university
is like thriving.
Everything's going really well, and
that's what, that's what made me
think, wait a second, when things are
going really well, almost too well.
Right you.
That's when we hit upper limits.
We start coming up with problems
that maybe aren't actually even
problems manufacturing things to bring
us back down, like popping my own
balloon is what I like to call it.
And so that could be happening here too.
This could just be my, one of
my little favorite pet problems.
That I like to keep on my farm of
problems and I'm pulling it back out
to bring myself down from an otherwise
magnificent experience of what my life is.
So I gotta, I'm stopping that right now.
I have to reframe this right now.
This is an expansion moment.
Instagram is.
Just nothing but expansion for
me, if I choose to do social
media, it is not a problem.
It is not any other reality than more,
more magnificence, more brilliance,
more joy, more miracles to my world.
I'm opening myself up to
even more rather than you.
I, you know, reminding myself of how
I'm failing at something right now.
I refuse to do that.
My balloon is going up,
babes like up, up, up.
So I really wanted to document that fact.
This little postscript could be
the whole damn episode, honestly.
Okay, that feels good.
Now I feel complete for my day.