Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
It feels good just to be talking, I have
been fighting this bug for quite a while,
which is why I'm recording this right now.
'cause I'm literally working through a
feeling of feeling frustrated with it.
But I've also.
On hold right now with customer
service rep that I'm waiting for my
chance to talk to customer service.
And they said it was gonna be
like a 30 to 45 minute wait.
So if you hear little elevator
music in the background, that's
what I got going on here.
, Because I love to capture these things
in the moment when I'm feeling it.
And so I just like sitting here waiting
for a representative to come on.
I had this.
Experience, so wanna walk through it.
So I'm working through currently
this frustration with being sick
Last Sunday, which was Mother's Day.
I came down really hard, like right
in the middle of the day around noon.
I just had a little bit of a sore throat
maybe, but I chalked it up to allergies.
I wasn't really thinking much about
it, but by Sunday afternoon it
was like, whoa, I need medicine.
Things have just shifted.
It was very sudden, and I have been out
of commission for the majority of a week.
I mean, like I had to take
time off work and be in bed.
I was in bed for two solid days,
which is really rare for me.
I probably had no business going in
after that either, but it was a very
chaotic week last week, and I'm not
normally someone who even gets sick.
And in this last year, I've
gotten sick three different
times in three different ways.
So that's really interesting.
Me, I'm like, why is this happening to me?
I've been trying to figure out what's
going on there because like emotionally
speaking, mentally speaking, I've
never felt stronger or happier or
more really tuned in and aligned
to things I feel like on every
other front than my physical front.
I've never been better.
It's very interesting..
So every night when I've
been going to bed, I've been
telling myself when I wake up.
It's going to be different tomorrow.
It's going to be different.
And so when I woke up today and
realized it has been over a week
now, I've just been so convinced,
'cause I'm doing everything I can
to beat this bug, whatever it is.
I woke up today and my aura
ring was like major alert.
Major alert.
Your body temperature's elevated.
Your heart rate's super high.
And yesterday was the first day that.
My body temperature wasn't elevated, so
I was really sure I was gonna beat it.
So to see that this morning that I still
have all these major signs and I still
feel all this gunk in me and I'm doing
all kinds of things to flesh that out.
And I just have this moment of
being really pissed, like, why
am I still dealing with this?
I just wanna get better.
This is finals week at work last week.
Was the last week of clinic, so that
was a really awful time to be out.
This week is wrapping up a bunch of
things for finals, and then next week
I was planning to take some vacation
time, so I'm starting to feel like,
what if I'm still sick next week?
I have also, like I've said,
been cycling through all my
little normal mindset practices
to try and shift myself out of
being angry or being pissed that
I am still dealing with this.
Oh, and the other thing that reminds
me, the other thing, I had to miss all
my Pilates workouts last week, and they
have a 24 hour cancellation clause.
You know, if you cancel in less than 24
hours, then you just forfeit the class.
And like I said, every night when I was
going to sleep, I was so sure that it was
gonna have a, a change the next day that.
I refuse to cancel my classes.
So day after day, I was just watching
myself get more upset about, here
I am paying for these classes that
I'm not actually even able to go to.
I did go on Saturday.
Luckily it was kind of an easier class
and I'm gonna try to go again today.
But all of that was also contributing
to this feeling like, okay, hey,
this is really affecting my life kind
of feeling, and I'm done with it.
And I know that getting
sick happens to everybody.
So that's why I'm talking about it.
But it doesn't usually
last this long for me.
When I get sick, it's usually
just a few days at most.
So been using my normal techniques
to try to just accept it
instead of resisting what is.
That's what so much of our
suffering comes from is when we
resist what is actually happening.
I was like, I am gonna
welcome this sickness.
I even invite more sickness.
Like I never did get more
sick, but that was my mindset.
I just haven't gotten better though.
And usually when I do allow myself
to really surrender into something
or just submit to whatever's
gonna happen and release all the
control, things always get better.
So was also disappointed
that that didn't work.
This time, usually I can
feel an immediate shift.
That hasn't worked.
So today when I woke up with like
a full on sinus pressure headache,
and just another day of shitty metrics
on my aura ring, I was like, that's
it, you know, I am done with this.
I'm absolutely done being sick.
And so on my morning walk, 'cause I
refuse to not get sunshine during this
period, I pulled out another tool that
I have used when I want to connect
into the feeling of complete gratitude.
When I wanna connect to a feeling of
genuine awe and wonder for my life.
I use this whenever I wanna
like dial up my frequency.
Feel like I'm the luckiest person alive
and everything always works out for me.
So I went ahead and did that.
I was gonna share it because
it's really helped me
. So I get myself into this state
of remembering that the chance of
even having a human life at all.
The odds of making it to being
born into this world as a
human is one in 400 trillion.
Okay?
The odds of your egg being the
specific egg that is good to go on
that cycle, and then all the different
sperm that had to meet that egg.
Millions of sperms swimming
around, . , And then the one that
got through that was gonna make you
and survived all those conditions.
The odds of all of that happening
is one in 400 trillion, that
is the jackpot of all jackpots.
It is like the ultimate human lottery,
the chance to experience a human life,
however short, however difficult,
however it plays out for you.
You got the winning ticket where
so many other possibilities.
Never even get the chance, like never
get a chance to see what life is like.
If one tiny different sperm had made
it to that egg, then you're not here.
It was a different month
with a different egg.
You are not here.
So I was thinking about that, how I
have been given that and anyone who is
given that winning ticket, what more
could I possibly ask for than that?
What more could I even possibly want?
You got to have a life.
You are one in 400 trillion baby.
So I was literally on my walk just
having a moment of feeling that because
no matter how crappy your childhood is,
no matter what obstacles and challenges
or hardships that any of us have been
through, you got a life where 399
trillion other potential organisms that
could have won the game were eliminated.
In that moment that you got created
and now their chance at life is
forever gone, there's absolutely no
opportunity ever again for any of those
potential organisms because you were
created, that moment was given to you.
When I really stop and lean into
that and feel that it's like, how
could I be anything other than
profoundly moved at the luck and the
miracle that I have been given at
this opportunity that is mine alone.
And if I had to spend every single
day for the rest of my life with this
bloody congestion, . I dunno why I
just turned into a British person
there, like too much TV last week.
Too many British shows last week.
But if I had to literally spend
every single future moment of
my life living with this bug,
whatever it is, I'll take it.
I will take it.
'cause I got to have a, life
just makes me feel so peaceful.
It really does.
I hope that's helpful as a framework that
you can all use as well And the other
thing I'm really, really proud of myself
is I was down for the week, so I had
previously really committed to doing two
posts a week on Instagram, which I had
done the week before last, and then this
last week when I got sick, I didn't do it.
so I was very tempted this weekend to say.
Let me just wait until I feel better.
You're off your game anyway.
Just wait until the
next podcast comes out.
Wait until your next substack
comes out and you can restart.
And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm am gonna go ahead and post as if
I did post this earlier in the week.
So I wrote out a post and worked
on that and made it happen, and
that felt really, really good.
Just stopping the mental spiral about
what it meant to skip something after
you've already committed to, and
all that bullshit, just stop it and
pick up the ball right where it was
on the ground and move it forward.
So that felt really, really good.
So I don't know if I'm supposed to be
learning some kind of lesson other than
the one I just shared here in this little
gift I've been given of sickness, but.
I'm here for it all.
I am here for it all because I got a life.
I got a life and so did you.
So enjoy living, sending you all love.
And look, my customer
service, I'm still on hold.
It's been 36 minutes, 29 seconds.
Uh, sending you all love.
Go bet on yourself.